I'm Dying
by JenJenJen13
Summary: Manga! Shinji Mimura accidentally shoots himself while participating on the Program. Sadly, his overactive libido was not damaged in the extreme moment of stupidity and still functions perfectly. Let’s see if Takako Chigusa can change that. Shinji/Takako


This idea came to me watching Reno 911, and I kept meaning to do something with it—this document has sat here since, uhhh, 06-02-09 and I plan to do something with it, dammit.

**Periperichan** and **imjuzakyd, **you guys rock. A lot. And while I question your idolization (me!? I'm flattered but you guys kick my ass XD), thanks a million for the support! I was in a rut and I can't tell you guys how awesome your reviews/praise made me feel :) So thank you, and I hope you guys enjoy! (and everyone else, of course)

Aaaaaah, I love all the new Shinji/Takako everywhere (or is it Takako/Shinji? I suppose with them it could go both ways…)

Dear lord, I think this is the FIRST BR story I've written _that takes place on the island_. Wow.

Some of the references are off-base (since BR supposedly took place in 1997 and I didn't read it until like ten years later) but whatever, ignore 'em. ;)

-

Day 2, 10:04 AM

Ahhh, summertime. As Bon Jovi sang, "Feels something like summertime… something something something something, summertime." Shinji didn't remember. Shuuya liked to sing that song and Shinji liked to tune out Shuuya's singing.

All he knew was, he—Shinji Mimura, Shiroiwa Junior High's basketball star and voted number one piece of ass four years in a row (and he'd only been in Shiroiwa for _three_) had a metal collar around his neck—and not because some girl he was dating was into kinky dominatrix shit, that was just _wrong_—no, he was on the program. _The Program._ Capital letters and italics for emphasis. _Emphasis._

Anyway, The Program, year 2009, was getting off to a fine start. The sun was shining, the Seto Island Sea was glinting in the sunlight, fish were jumping through the water, with the occasional dead body floating past.

Shinji set his laptop—a PowerBook 150, to be specific, suck it, Windows 95 users, you guys have _nothing_ on MacOS System 7.1—and he was lugging a car battery in his—survival pack? Survival pack sounded lame, come to think of it.

Anyway, he was, in short, going to hack the system and, to use Shuuya's vernacular, _bend it over and fuck it in the ass._ Yeah, bitches.

What the hell is digging into my side?

Shinji stopped setting up the Macbook and car battery (yanked from a Toyota Camry, to be specific) long enough to scowl and dig in the waistband of his pants to see what the issue was—oh, my gun slid down into my—

BANG.

"OWWW! FUCKING HELL!" Shinji howled. "Ohhh, FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!! OW!!"

The smoking large automatic pistol (Beretta M92F) dropped from Shinji's hand as the basketball player doubled over in pain, hands covering his side—"oooooooooooow!"

Somehow, in what must've been Shinji's worst hour, he had accidentally pulled the trigger and shot himself in the chest. He didn't know how he did it; basketball and computers were his forte. Not guns. Uncle Hajime never had a gun. And since Uncle Hajime was a badass, he figured by default guns were not badass.

Shinji ignored the nagging voice in his head (said nagging voice also said 'be careful with that gun'). Good thing it was a fucking Baretta and not an Uzi, he thought dryly, reluctantly pulling his black school jacket open to examine the damage, and focused his attention on the gruesome, bloody mess in his—

Oh, damn, it wasn't even that bad. Fuck yeah!

The good news was, the shot wasn't fatal. He grazed the side of his waist with the stupid bullet. He WAS bleeding, and there was a big chunk of his skin missing, but he sure as hell wasn't going to die. Then again, what the hell did he know…

Too bad I fucking screamed… annoyed, Shinji picked up his traitorous pistol, CLICKED THE SAFETY, and pocketed the damn thing.

Yeah, Shinji Mimura, best athlete in Class B, shoots _himself_. Oh, how the masses must be laughing. Shinji had a mental image of a plasma screen TV outside a mall, or something, with a whole crowd of people laughing—'look at that idiot ponce with the earring! He fucking shot himself! I'm takin' my money off _him_, I think that little short chick's got a better chance of winning!'—dammit. Well, whatever. He wasn't here to be famous. He wasn't here to win this shit either—well, he'd do what he had to do, without a doubt, but…

Shinji Mimura might be a basketball prodigy, but he was also a genius. And ridiculously good looking. But mostly a genius. And, after all, like most geniuses, he was smart. And he could think on his feet (_just, uh, as long as no Berettas are involved_—_shaddap, voice in my head_!)

Holy shit. Takako Chigusa was nearby, he could see her orange streaked hair from where he was.

Takako was hot. However, she was Hiroki's friend (in other words, stupid Hiroki liked her and didn't have the balls to ask her out, although he denied it constantly), so she was off-limits.

Shinji thought for a second. Not out here she wasn't.

"OWWW!" he shouted, falling back onto his back, "OWWWWWW!"

He lifted his head up again. Nope, Ice Queen Takako hadn't even glanced at him. Shinji considered shooting in her direction, to get her to come over, but figured with HIS glorious aim, that might not be the best course of action. He'd probably end up hitting her.

"HELP! I'M DYING!" Shinji shouted.

THAT got her attention. Takako glanced over in his direction, took one look at him, and quickly turned away.

"HEY! I see you!" Shinji yelled, "Would Hiroki be happy to hear you abandoned me!?"

Takako glared at him, before stomping over and standing over him. "You look fine to me," she snapped.

I can see her underwear from here, Shinji thought, and mentally smacked himself. "I'm dying," he told her, "See, look..." He pulled his jacket open (slowly, he WAS dying after all) and showed her.

Takako stared at him. "One hit!? Big deal! Niida did worse to me!!"

"Oh, yeah, make it all about you," Shinji whined, "I'm dying and all you care about is yourself!" He stupidly hadn't thought to consider the possibility she was playing and he just invited a killer into his midst, but whatever.

"The hell do you want from me, Mimura?" Takako asked, putting her hands on her hips. "I don't even like you!"

We'll see about THAT. "But I'm dying. You can't at least humor me and stay here so I don't have to die all alone?" Shinji sniffed for extra emphasis.

"For YOUR information, I'm waiting for Hiroki to get back," Takako said with a scowl.

"Where'd he go? To the other side of the island?" Shinji smirked.

"Oh, you're dying but you can be a smartass? Maybe I should finish you off and put you out of your misery!" Takako snapped.

"Don't be so heartless! I'm dying!! You might be the last person I ever speak to! Do you really want me to die without faith in humanity?" Shinji whined, adding a few fake sobs for good riddance.

Takako looked like she'd quite like to hit him, before sighing angrily. "FINE. I'll stay here."

"Can I rest my head on your lap? I'm dying," Shinji told her.

"NO!" Takako shouted.

"But I'm dying!"

"I KNOW you're dying! You don't have to tell me you're dying every twenty seconds!" Takako snapped.

"Fine! But if Hiroki shows up and sees me dying on the ground while you're sitting there watching me, letting my last moments be UNCOMFORTABLE, I'll bet he'll have something to say about that!" Shinji told her.

"FINE!" Takako snarled, "But that's the LAST thing you're getting out of me! So after this, shut up and die quietly!"

Shinji nodded and made sure to make a big show of crawling over towards her, leaning his face against her breasts. "I'm too hurt… I can't move any—ow!" he whined, as Takako shoved his head down onto her lap.

"Try that again and I'll kill you sooner!" Takako snapped.

"If you can live with yourself, go ahead," Shinji said. Takako growled in frustration as Shinji made himself comfortable across her lap. "This is so much nicer than dying on the filthy ground," Shinji said.

"Don't push your luck," Takako grumbled.

Shinji yawned. From where he was lying, he had a great view of the underside of Takako's rack, so he wasn't complaining.

-

Day 2, 11:34 AM

"It's been an hour! Why aren't you dead yet?" Takako asked, eying him angrily. "If you were dying, you wouldn't have woken up from that little nap! I thought you died already!"

"Not—cough—yet," Shinji said, "But I'm dying. I saw the light and everything."

"Uh huh."

Shinji was beginning to get bored just lying on top of Takako, and decided to test Takako's previous claim and see how far he could push her. "You know, I've never told anyone this before," he began, glancing up at her.

"I'm sure there's a reason for that," Takako said, clearly not interested.

"Don't be like that. It's kind of pathetic, especially for someone who looks like ME," Shinji said, shaking his head. Hey, her skirt rides up a bit when I do that. He shook his head again.

"Are you having a neck spasm?" Takako asked, glaring at him. She was onto him.

Too bad she wasn't as stupid as she was hot, Shinji thought with a groan. Takako might be nice eye candy, but she was also in possession of Shinji's least favorite quality in a girl. A BRAIN.

"No. Stop interrupting me! I don't know how much time I have left!" Shinji said, coughing again for emphasis. "I've never kissed a girl before! Ever!"

Takako gave him a disgusted look. "Okay, that's just BULLSHIT. I've seen you!"

"It must have been someone else. Never me!" Shinji said, shaking his head again. "I always wanted to wait until I met the right girl."

"Do I look stupid to you!?" Takako demanded. "You're three words away from dying ahead of schedule!"

"What are you, gay!?" Shinji asked. "You won't kiss a dying man!?"

Takako's eyebrows were so narrowed they were almost joined. "One, I'm _not_ gay. Two, you're not a man. And three, you're a pig! You're taking advantage of the situation!"

"Well excuse me for dying, and wanting to have the taste of a beautiful girl on my lips before I go," Shinji said, shaking his head.

"I don't think so. That's not going to work on me, pal," Takako snapped.

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No!"

"PLE—"

"Oh, alright, fine! If it'll shut you up!" Takako shouted, leaning down and pressing her lips to Shinji's. For two seconds.

She pulled back before Shinji even realized she was (very reluctantly) kissing him.

"No fair! I wasn't ready!" Shinji complained.

The predatory look on Takako's face was enough to shut him up. For now.

-

Day 2, 12:34 PM

"WHY AREN'T YOU DEAD YET!?" Takako demanded, glaring down at Shinji, who gave her an innocent wide-eyed face. "Don't give me that look! It's been two hours!!"

Shinji gasped. "You're accusing me of LYING!? I'm dying!! Why would I lie about THAT? Why would I spend my last moments damning myself to hell with deception and—"

"You're just trying to get laid, aren't you!?" Takako said angrily.

"That hasn't even crossed my mind!" Shinji said, looking horrified. For about five seconds. "Actually, would you be willing? I'm a virgin too."

"NO, I'M NOT, and NO, YOU'RE NOT!" Takako shouted. "I'm not falling for that bullshit! Next you'll tell me your mother never hugged you!"

"Well, actually—"

"I'm not having sex with you! I don't care if you've been attacked by an Uzi and an axe! It's not going to happen!" Takako snapped, folding her arms.

"How about just to third?"

"What's third?"

"Blowjob."

"No."

"Fine. Second?"

"No."

"First?"

"No."

Shinji groaned. "Can I have another kiss?"

Takako sighed. "Alright, fine." She leaned down and kissed him again, but this time Shinji was ready. He kissed her back, and they were actually getting along quite nicely until she shoved him away and wiped her mouth angrily.

"What?" Shinji asked.

"Oh you know damn well what!" Takako yelled. "You didn't say anything about tongue! Eww!"

"Oh, come on!"

"No! No tongue! That was gross!"

"You're a bitch!" Shinji whined. "I'm dying and you won't let me have my dying request?"

"Because your dying request is DISGUSTING!" Takako complained, "Like hell I want your tongue in my mouth!"

"You _are_ a robot, aren't you?" Shinji asked suspiciously, "A hot robot with a great rack! There's no way you're really that COLD!"

"I am not a robot!" Takako snapped, "I'm sick of people calling me that! Just because I'm not a cheap SLUT doesn't mean I'm a robot!"

"At least the cheap sluts are compassionate! I bet Mitsuko would grant me my dying request," Shinji whined.

"I'm sure she would! And she'd probably give you an STD so you died faster!" Takako folded her arms. "I'd really like to know the idiot who started calling me a robot bitch! If they're on this island, they can say their prayers now! And if they're already dead I'm gonna go dance on their damn grave!"

"Why are you so angry?" Shinji asked. "You're a virgin too?"

"SHUT UP!" Takako grabbed his shirt collar. "I don't care if you are dying! You don't go there!"

"Sheesh, just wondering. I'm being honest with you," Shinji said.

"No you're not! I know you're not a virgin, shit gets around!" Takako snapped. "You're as cheap as Mitsuko is! Man-whore!"

"I told people that on purpose! I have a reputation to uphold!" Shinji protested. "Come on, like you've never wanted people to stop thinking you were a sexually deprived robot bitch?"

"Who thinks THAT?"

"Pretty much everyone. We all figured since Hiroki's not giving you any, you were mad so you took it out on everyone else," Shinji said. Truth be told, he was lying through his teeth, but Takako looked convicned.

"What?" Takako asked, looking mortified. "You've gotta be kidding me! What did Hiroki say about that!?"

"He said he didn't like you, he likes Kayoko," Shinji said, "And I'm not lying about that! I mean, uh—"

Takako didn't seem to catch onto that. She looked pissed. "Is Kayoko dead yet?"

"Hell if I know," Shinji said, and his eyes widened. "You're going to go kill her, right?"

"Once you're dead," Takako glared at him, "I have to finish my civic duty first." She glared down at him.

"Oh. So, uhh, given any more thought to donating to the "Don't let me die a virgin" cause?" Shinji asked.

Takako shot him another dirty look, but her eyes suddenly widened, then narrowed again. "You know…" She trailed off. "That's not a bad idea."

"It is? I mean, uh—"

"Not because I like you or anything!" Takako said quickly, "I still can't stand you. But if it means pissing off everyone we knew back in school, especially when we're all going to die anyway—"

"Getting sooner by the minute in my case," Shinji added.

"—Whatever!" Takako scowled. "You know, I don't much like the idea of getting filmed on live TV having sex with you… my parents might be watching this, for one. I don't want them thinking they raised some trashy whore all these years…"

"You're not a trashy whore, you're granting a dying companion his last wish," Shinji suggested.

Takako raised her eyebrow. "You're awfully competent for someone who's dying. You planned this, didn't you!?"

Shit! "No!" Shinji whined, "Are you saying I deliberately shot myself for the sake of getting you to feel guilty enough that you'd have sex with me!? Do you actually think I'd be that… that… conniving?"

Takako sighed. "Isn't having sex while you're dying going to kill you?"

"Who said that?" Shinji asked curiously.

She shrugged. "I dunno, I heard it somewhere. Sex makes your blood flow increase or whatever, and seeing as you're bleeding already—"

"Fancy way of trying to chicken out!" Shinji said, shaking his head.

Takako glared at him. "Just—just tell me what we're supposed to do! I don't know jack about this!"

"Uhhh—okay, well, uhh—first off, the clothes have to come off," said Shinji, hoping his erection wasn't too visible at the moment. Holy shit, his plan was _working_? About time one of his plans worked!

"How did I know that was coming?" Takako asked dryly, and sighed.

Shinji watched, impatiently, as she slowly began to slide her skirt down her hips—his breath hitched in his throat and his eyes widened as more and more skin came into view, _yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees_—he could die happy _now_!

And the crackling over the intercom abruptly distracted him from his hormone-soaked thoughts, and he looked up. WTF, announcements weren't due for another four hours!

"_Attention,"_ said the gruff voice of Shogo Kawada, _"I disabled the collars and kicked the Program director and his shithead minions' asses. Program's over. You can keep killin' each other if you want, I don't care, but I'm gettin' the fuck outta here."_

"_DAMMIT, KAWADA!"_

"_Fuckin' hell, Shuuya, the fuckin' intercom's still on!"_

"_Good! The whole class'll know! KAWADA'S A JERK!"_

"_Shuuya! Shogo's not a jerk! He's hot! I MEAN WHAT~"_

Shinji blinked—wait, what the fuck!? Shogo Kawada stole his thunder!? He was going to shut down the collars, dammit!

Takako blinked a few times—"so we're free to go!?" she asked incredulously. "We're on an _island_!"

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me!" Shinji shouted, jumping to his feet, "fucking Kawada, stealing my glory—THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME, KAWADA!"

"Uh, shouldn't you be happy to be _alive_, Mimur—HEY WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE," shouted Takako.

Shinji turned—"what are you—" And promptly remembered he was supposed to be dying. Judging by the look on Takako's face, she seemed to have seen right through his ruse.

"It's a miracle!" he attempted, giving her a winning smile (that would have reduced most girls to a flustered puddle of goo).

Takako was not most girls, and she looked pissed off. "I almost had sex with you!"

"And it would've been the best sex you ever had!" said Shinji, grinning, "hey, what's with the past tense? Instead of death sex, we can have… hooray for being alive sex!" He winked.

Takako closed her eyes for a moment, and grinned. Slowly. "Okay," she said, getting to her feet, "but first, I'd like to do something. A bit of foreplay, if you will."

"What," said Shinji, wide-eyed—"anythin' for you, babe~"

Takako kept that grin on her face, and crossed past him—"what's _this_?" she asked, picking up the Baretta.

"That's a gun," said Shinji, blankly. Uhh, what was that about

Takako cocked the pistol and turned towards Shinji, still grinning. "So tell me," she said, "the collars might be disabled, but we can still _play_, right?"

"Apparently," said Shinji, "why, someone you wanna finish off?"

"YES," said Takako, scowling and aiming at him, "HOLD STILL!"

Shinji's eyes widened and he wisely ran for it—"TAKAKO DON'T!"

"TRY AND SLEEP WITH _ME, _WOULD YOU!?" Takako shouted, "this is why I don't do nice things for people! _Asshole_!"

-

Before anyone goes all "ZOMG OOC" on me, I would like to point out the following as to why it is very possible Shinji could have shot himself.

One, he carries that gun around in a similar fashion to a baton twirler at the Macy's Thanksgiving parade. Two, he couldn't shoot Kiriyama. I don't know how many times that boy missed, but he missed a lot of times. _A lot. _And three, uhhh…

Anyway!

BR (at least in the novel) did take place in 1997; so Shinji is /not/ underage—I mean, uhh—did you guys hear something?

What I meant to say is, the technology in BR (novel) is old as hell! The laptop Shinji uses in BR is a Macintosh PowerBook 150; I'm no Mac geek but reading it described as a 'Macintosh' was a heads up to how old the thing was. Turns out it's a '94 laptop! So the laptop Shinji was using was 3 years old and he was able to hack into a gov't computer with it.

…then again the gov't computers were probably old as hell too.

Shinji's gun, a Beretta M92F, is so freaking old it's not even manufactured anymore; I tried to find info on it and all I was finding was how they only make replicas of the original, airsoft replicas, ect.

I'm a tech geek and a budding gun geek, so of course I looked all this up XD Anyway, just some side info in case you're interested!


End file.
